Out now -
Felony
Melanie in Pageant Pandemonium
The
Teenage Adventures of Felony Melanie
Based
on characters from the movie Sweet Home
Alabama
Big City, Big Glamour, Big Trouble
Check out the new young adult romantic comedy series
featuring “Felony Melanie” seven years before the events of the movie Sweet
Home Alabama.
Before Melanie Smooter became hot fashion designer Melanie
Carmichael, she was known as Felony Melanie, the teenage troublemaker of Pigeon
Creek, Alabama. Aching to escape the boredom of small-town life, she gets into
many reckless adventures. Her boyfriend, Jake, is always by her side – and the
local sheriff is usually close behind.
When Melanie qualifies for the Miss Alabama Princess Pageant Southern Regional in
the big city of Mobile, the first prize scholarship could be her ticket out of
Pigeon Creek. But can her homemade dresses compete against the expensive gowns,
and can a "trailer trash" girl survive when a haughty debutante will
do anything to destroy the competition.
Meanwhile, Jake thinks beauty pageants are silly, but he’ll be there to support
Melanie – as long as he can avoid getting kicked out by hotel security. Then
Jake and his friends start to suspect someone is sabotaging the whole pageant.
They try to follow the clues, but it isn't easy when everyone dismisses you as
redneck kids.
Melanie needs to prove herself on stage. Jake and the gang need to make sure
she gets the chance. Can they show they're more than what people see on the
surface?
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These first two chapters from the novel Felony Melanie in Pageant
Pandemonium stand alone as a short story. In the future, you'll get
fun content about upcoming Felony Melanie novels and other romantic comedy
news and links.
Excerpt:
“Up
and at ’em.” Melanie’s mama threw open the curtains, sending a flood of
sunlight into the room.
Melanie
moaned as the sunlight stabbed right through her eyelids into her brain. She
shaded her eyes and squinted at the clock. The numbers danced and blurred. She
might still be drunk. Finally, she made out the time. Nine in the morning. Was
this part of her mama’s revenge?
Her
mama bumped the bed with her hip, rocking it, and Melanie’s head spun.
“Let’s
go. We gotta get you cleaned up for the pageant. And the way you look, that’s
gonna take some time.”
The
pageant? Right, today was the Pigeon Creek Princess Pageant.
“I
thought I was grounded.” Her voice sounded like sandpaper on gravel.
“You
are. ’Cept for school and pageants. Those are important to your future. Now get
in the shower. I’ll pack up your stuff.” Mama opened the closet and pulled out
Melanie’s fancy pink gown with the big, ruffly skirt and poofy shoulders.
“Mama,
that dress is so old-fashioned. Can I wear the new one I made?”
“You
mean that plain, off-the-shoulder one?”
“It’s
not plain. It’s sleek. Y’know, modern. It’s the kind that’s in all the fashion
magazines now.”
“Well,
that modern look may win pageants up in New York or Chicago, but Southern
judges are traditional. You want to win, don’t you?”
Melanie
rolled onto her side. The bed bobbed and pitched like a leaky rowboat on a
windy lake. “I want to sleep,” she mumbled.
“Lordy,
I swear girl, you’re gonna end up spending your whole life working down at the
tire factory if you don’t shape up. You know the winner of today’s pageant gets
to compete in the Miss Alabama Princess Pageant Southern Regional.”
Oh,
right. The Pigeon Creek Princess Pageant was not only the most important local
pageant of the year, it was a qualifier for the regional pageant over in Mobile.
“First
prize at the regional pageant includes a big ol’ scholarship,” her mama said.
The scholarship wasn’t as tempting to Melanie
as her mama probably hoped, but it would be so cool to go to Mobile, hang out
in the big city. She had to get up. This was just a little ol’ hangover. It
wouldn’t be the first time she’d powered through one of those.
She
tried to sit up. The room spun. She fell back onto the bed. “I don’t feel so
good, Mama.”
“I
shouldn’t wonder. You hear about the judges for the regional pageant?”
“What
about them?”
“Well,
one is a former Miss America,” Mama said slowly, “and one is the Miss Alabama
Princess from a few years back.”
“There’s
a professional dancer, and a cheerleading coach.”
“Uh
huh.”
“And
one man is a fashion designer. From New York City.”
For
a moment, Melanie didn’t move. Then she pushed herself up to sitting and
squinted at her mama. “For real?”
Mama
nodded. “It’s in the brochure, which you’d know if you bothered to read. Now
get your lazy biscuits out of bed and into that shower. I’ll make hotcakes for
breakfast. Not that you deserve any after what you pulled last night.”
A
real fashion designer. From the biggest, most glamorous city in America.
Melanie had never met anyone who actually designed clothes before. Someone who knew the
latest trends before they hit the streets of New York, years before cheap knockoff versions made it to Pigeon Creek.
Better than that, he actually created
the trends.
She
could meet a real, live designer.
If
she got to Mobile.
If
she won this pageant.
Melanie
had to rally. She forced herself out of bed with one big heave. Stumbled to the
bathroom. Her teeth felt fuzzy as peach skin. Her eyes were red-veined marbles
in sooty sockets, and her tangled hair could be hiding any number of bird’s
nests. She stuck out her tongue at her reflection. Some beauty queen.
No
doubt about it, the bill from yesterday had come due.
Melanie
gathered her energy to pay the cost of that bill. She turned on the shower and
dove in with a yelp. By the time the water warmed up, maybe she’d be awake.
Douglas J. Eboch is a screenwriter and author who wrote the
original screenplay to the movie Sweet Home Alabama starring Reese Witherspoon.
His sister is the author of over 80 books under the names Kris Bock, M.M.
Eboch and Chris Eboch.
